A Memory of You
by PrincessAlica
Summary: NikE fanfic, begins in Nov of 2009. Nikolas has never stopped mourning Emily
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Memory of You  
Author: Alica  
Genre: Angst, Romance and Drama  
Rating: PG-13

The frozen grass crunched beneath his feet. But he hardly noticed. A light dusting of snow covered everything, but the cold did not penetrate him. He could feel no cold. He felt nothing.  
He knelt in the snow, and traced a name on a granite heart. His tears joined the sleet. Even now, on what might have been their fifth wedding anniversary, two years since her death, the pain had not subsided. He no longer saw her, he no longer felt her skin against his own. All he had left to cling to was a granite stone. The scarlet roses he was holding fell from his grasp, and lay just below her name... Emily Bowen-Quartermaine.

He lay there on her grave, his tears ouring out anew. His chest heaving. She was gone, she was really gone.

Finally he composed him self and wearily rose to his feet, shaking snow from his clothes, all the while keeping his eyes trained on her name. HOlding that little connection that he still had. And a hand gently touched his shoulder. He turned towards the person unsure of who would be at the cemetary in this weather... other than himself. His jaw fell as he shook his head trying to figure out how he could be seeing who was standing before him. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-

"Nikolas, darling..." Laura Spencer crooned.  
"Mom?" Nikolas asked bewilderment overshadowing all other emotions in his eyes.  
"They figured out the cure. The LS 53 should be the end of the state. Luke didn't want to tell you. He didn't think you could take it if it didn't work. And Lulu filled me in. She thought you might be here." Laura reached out and brushed a tear form her oldest child's face. "I'm so sorry baby."  
With that Nikolas stumbled into his mothers arms. There was only one person he longed to see more to be held by more than his mother. But it didn't matter because Emily was gone.

Laura led Nikolas out of the cemetery to a waiting car. Nikolas stiffly climbed in and Laura joined him.

The monitor went blank as Nikolas left in the car. The car didn't have the surveillance installed. But Nikolas could not make a move that she did not know about.

Laura ushered Nikolas into the farmhouse where Lucky sat watching Spencer as he rode his scooter, making racing sounds as he pushed himself around the room. Lulu rushed into the house and ran straight into her mothers arms. And Nikolas stood numbly as the world seemed to pass him by-- frozen in time on that night that Emily died-- on the night that he had died inside as well. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The smooth liquid burned a path down his throat like a wildfire. It had been two years, and still he felt numb. Everyone had assured him that she would want him to move on, that she was just a memory. But there were times, he was sure that he could still feel her. It was the only light in his existence. He loved Spencer, but he almost didn't feel like Spencer should have to deal with a father that was such an empty shell. Nikolas tipped the glass back and allowed the rest of the bourbon to numb his senses. For the only thing he could feel was the ache that was ever present, the constant longing for his one true love.

Helena shuffled the papers on her desk. She glanced at the pictures that had just been brought in. Nikolas was not in any shape to run the Cassadine Empire. "Maybe," she thought wickedly. "It's time to unveil my plans now."  
She slid the pictures into another envelope and called for a servant. She wanted someone else to see these pictures as well. It would only make her triumph all the more magnificent.

Elizabeth entered the study with a soft knock on the door. Nikolas raised bleary bloodshot eyes to meet her. "Nikolas?" she asked with a note of concern in her voice.  
"Yes," He replied with a slight slur.  
"Nikolas, Emily wouldn't want you to live like this." Elizabeth began, tears welling as she thought of the best friend she had lost.  
"How do you know? How the HELL can you know? How can you think I understand what I am going through?" Nikolas ylled in frustration, for Elizabeth was not the first person to tell him these things.  
"Because I lost Lucky..." She said.  
"No you didn't, yeah you thought you did for a while, but he came back and somehow life always got in the way, but if you want him, you can go him right now, You could be in his arms this very second!" He told her coldly.  
"But I did lose him. And yes he wasn't dead. But I still grieved for him for almost a year! Don't tell me that I don't understand!" Elizabeth's voice grew shrill.  
"But I didn't just lose Emily, I lost Courtney too, and so I didn't really love her, but am I cursed? Does everyone I lose have to die?" Nikolas was starting to lose the anger, and when the anger left there was nothing but the grief that continued to consume him.  
"Emily is gone. All I have is a tombstone and a few pieces of clothing that no longer smell like her. And a bit of hair that has lost its sheen and her engagement ring that was on her hand for only a few hours. I have nothing. Nothing without my Emily..." He sobbed.  
Elizabeth knelt beside him as he slumped onto the couch. "Nik, you still have me. And you still have Lucky, Lulu, and you have your mother back."  
"But don't you get it... It doesn't matter; nothing matters because she is gone." 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Nikolas stood again staring at Emily's grave. His heart was awash with fresh grief, for each day he missed her more. He had read a quote somewhere that separation kills small loves but makes great loves stronger, something about how the wind blows out the candle but fans the bonfire. He felt it now. The love he had for her had only grown stronger. He dropped the red rose he was carrying gently on the ground and turned and walked back to the waiting car. Nothing would make his love die.

"Nikolas" she called to him.  
"Nikolas, come find me."  
He stumbled as if blind through the labyrinthine passageways beneath Wyndamere.  
"Emily?" He cried. "Emily, where are you?"  
But although her voice still called to him, she was moving farther away and he couldn't catch up. He kept running down one twisting corridor after another. Finally he saw something, He reached down to pick it up..

And he jerked awake. It had been over a year since he's had a dream like that. Somehow he could still feel her presence, almost as if she had been in the room.  
Acting on a hunch he grabbed a lantern and headed into the maze of tunnels.

He had been searching for several hours when he finally recognized the place where he stood and low and behold at his feet lay a red rose, still fresh, still alive... 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

He stared at the rose lying in the dirt. Its crimson petals only partially bloomed. The rose made him think of Emily. He leaned over and carefully picked up the rose. He cradled it gently in his hands. Its beauty would fade all too soon. He turned and cautiously headed back to the house with the rose still in his hands. IN his mind he remembered a night long ago that happened in these same passages.

Emily is lying face down in the pool of water as Nikolas runs into the grotto screaming her name.

Nikolas: Emily?

He runs over to her, turns her over and starts to give her CPR.

Nikolas: Em -- come on, Emily, breathe. Come on, baby. Come on, baby, breathe! Come on. It's okay. Breathe. Breathe. Come on. Come on. I got you.

Emily starts to cough and Nikolas lifts her up and carries her out of the grotto. The camera pans over to the journal partially covered by the sand as Emily mumbles about the book as Nikolas carries her out of the grotto.

Emily: Oh, my God.

Nikolas: It's okay. I got you.

Emily: It's cold. It's cold.

Nikolas carries her out.

Emily: Nikolas, the book! Nikolas, the book -- the book. The treasure's gone! The book is -- the book's all that's left.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nikolas carries Emily into the study and places her on the couch. He wraps her in some warm blankets.

Nikolas: All right, I'm going to -- I'm going to make you some hot tea, okay? Here you go. And then --

Emily: Nikolas --

Nikolas: Put that electric blanket on the bed for you. Should probably help keep you warm. And then --

Emily: Nikolas --

Nikolas: Maybe a hot bath, you know, just to be safe.

Emily: Nikolas --

Nikolas: Monica told me that I should --

Emily: Nikolas, Nikolas, Nikolas -- come here. Come here. Sit down. Sit down.

Nikolas sits beside her and he places more blankets on them.

Emily: I'm okay, really.

Nikolas: I -- I know that you're okay, that you're safe here on my couch. But part of me is still in that damn grotto, afraid that you're dead. Now, I could -- I could sit here, and I could swear that the whole time I didn't think about anything except making you breathe, but I would be a liar because at some point I saw the rest of my life without you. I felt the most incredible hatred towards whoever took you from me. Now, that may not be -- be rational, but those feelings are so real, and they're still with me, and it may take a long time for them to go away.

Nik's breath came in shuddering gasps as he thought about how he wished that the night of the ball had ended like that. It didn't seem fair that he had lost the love of his life. He needed her. She was the air in his lungs and the sun in his skies.

After Nikolas emerged from the tunnels, nearly four year old Spencer came running straight at him. "I saw mommy! I saw mommy!" He cried joyously.  
Nikolas blinked at the confusion clouded his mind.  
"Where did you see mommy?" Nikolas asked.  
"She was in my room, and she kissed me and hugged me real tight." Spencer chattered happily.  
Nikolas needed to hear no more words. He sprinted towards the stairs. "Daddy, what are you doing? Spencer called after him.  
Nikolas burst into his son's room. And he could feel her. The scent of her was in the air. He didn't quite understand what was happening, but he did understand that something was.  
Spencer arrived in the door behind his father. "She's not here now!" He said in the exasperated voice that only comes from a preschool age child. "She said she'd come back sometime. She gave me this." Spencer held out his hand to reveal a coin that had to have been centuries old. Nikolas took the coin and held the warm metal disk in his hands as he struggled to comprehend the situation. Maybe he couldn't. Maybe all he would ever has was a memory of her. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Nikolas ventured back to his room after he and Spencer had completely searched the house. Spencer of course had seen it as a game, a chance for his daddy to play with him. And daddy didn't seem so sad. So Spencer had put on his Diego exploring hat and set off on an adventure. Spencer also knew that there was no telling what might be behind any of the doors here. Uncle Lucky said that there were bats and vampires. Spencer wasn't so sure, but Uncle Lucky was nice and he was funny. Aunt Lulu was even better because he could always convince her to give him candy or ice cream or something. She was a total sucker and he knew exactly how to work her.

Spencer kept pulling his binoculars out and staring down the halls as they tiptoed through the castle. This was fun. But finally even Spencer was tired, and they hadn't even seen any bats or vampires. He would have to tell Uncle Lucky. But he knew Uncle Lucky wouldn't believe him.

Nikolas lay down on the bed. He was exhausted. He was so sure that Spencer had seen Emily. Emily. Even her name still made his heart clench. He closed his eyes and thought of her. At first it was thoughts of Dancing with her at the Black and White Ball. His most recent memories, but as his sleep grew deeper he began dreaming of a much younger Emily, of dancing with her at the Bacchanalia. And then he heard a faint tinkling sound, and he watched as if in a movie, the four musketeers exchanging Christmas gifts before the fire. Emily clutched a small jewelry box in her hand, a box that he had given her. She looked so alive, so vibrant. He couldn't help but smile. But something woke him from the dream. And oddly enough the music box was open and playing its soft music from his dresser. He had buried that with Emily. Now how was it here. He rose from the bed and picked it up and held it to his heart. Her heart would always be connected to his. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Nikolas lay back down. He held the music box tightly. The rose lay on the nightstand and the coin he had made a small hole in so it would hang on a chain around his neck. He was still exhausted. His eyes closed and he quickly drifted back to sleep.

He was in the cemetery. He was standing at Emily's grave. Someone had dug up her coffin. He was so angry that someone would disturb her. Without thinking he yanked open the coffin, and yet there was nothing inside. Nothing except a single red rose lying on the pale lavender satin. Nikolas rose from the coffin and began frantically looking for her. And suddenly he was surrounded by a heavy fog. And he could smell the spray of the ocean. "Come to me Nikolas!." He heard her calling as if from far away. "Emily!" He screamed. "Emily, Where are you?"  
"Nikolas, come to me!" He voice grew louder.  
"Emily, I can't find you! Where are you?" He cried.  
"Nikolas, you feel me in your heart. You can find me if you only listen..." He voice echoed through the mist. He began running, his eyes trying to pierce through the mist.  
"Emily, Emily, Please Emily." He called.  
"Nikolas, listen to your heart." She repeated.  
"Emily!" He screamed with all of the pent up longing, and for a moment the fog parted and he saw her standing in flowing white gown, ethereal in the moonlight.

His eyelids flew open. He knew where she was. And somehow he was sure that she was alive. And nothing would keep them apart. "Emily," he whispered. "I'm coming to rescue you." He promised.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Nikolas sighed as he hund up the phone. He needed someone to trace Helena's money trail. There had to be a money trail. It had to cost a fortune to hold someone captive. Emily was more than a memory. She was alive. He knew it with every fiber of his being. Her very essence was written on her on his heart. They were connected by the very fibers of their souls. But he would find her, even if there was no trace of her. His heart would lead him to her, that was the one thing that he was certain of.

Lucky sighed and took a long swig of ice cold Dr. Pepper. It was one of those things he had grown to love when they had lived in Texas and it had followed him ever since. His eyes hurt from squinting at the computer screen, which he had been doing for hours. Behind him, Nikolas paced back and forth.

"Hey, are you trying to wear a line in your rug?" He said in a slightly annoyed voice.

Nikolas paused and looked in his brothers direction, "ummm, did you say something? Have you found anything yet?"

Lucky shook his head. "I'm sorry, I haven't found anything yet. I am little rusty with these skills. I don't think I've done any hacking in at least five years."

"There are some skills that should never be lost," he said with a sigh.

"Hey do you guys want some brownies?" Elizabeth asked from the doorway. She had Jake sitting on one of her hips, while a plate of still warm brownies was carefully balanced with her other hand.

Lucky lept from his seat in front of the computer. "Just what I needed. I haven't had one of these in so long!"

"Well, I figured it was time for us to work together again to rescue Emily, like when Zander kidnapped her." A strange look passed over Elizabeth's face. "Now I'm feeling old. That was almost a decade ago." She chuckled as Lucky inhaled several brownies.

"ahh... needd ... miwk." Lucky mumbled. He attempted to swallow as Nikolas and Elizabeth laughed at him. "I said I needed milk with these, but I guess a D.P. will have to do." He took another swig from the can as he plopped back down in the chair. Suddenly he hollered..."Nik, I've found something! I think we've found it!"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Nikolas sat staring morosely out at the water through the window. "How did I not see it?"

Elizabeth smiled sweetly as she worked to console Nikolas. "How were you supposed to know that Helena had compounds located around the world. But just think, no one should know them better than someone who was held in them." She nodded her head at Lucky who was still sitting at the computer with his head bent. He rolled his shoulders as if they ached and so Elizabeth obliged.

He tensed for a moment as he felt her fingers begin kneading at the tense muslces in his neck and back. "Thanks, I needed this. You think you can convince Nik to pull out another case of prune juice?" He laughed.

"Hey, I'm only doing this to help you search faster, since you seem to be our only way of tracking Helena's whereabouts." She glanced over at Nikolas who still was atring out the window, but she had to supress her laughter as Alfred appeared in the doorway carrying a 24 pack of Dr. Pepper. "Seroiusly, Lucky. You drink that like they were going to stop making it."

His fingers paused for a moment as she glanced over his shoulder at her. "Hey, some places they try to pause off Mr. Pibb as Dr. Pepper, and let me tell you, it just isn't the same." Alfread opened the box and handed Lucky another can.

"Here you go Master Spencer. I went ahead and stocked the cooler with several cases of this for your enjoyment." Alfred then bowed and left the room.

"You know what would go greta with this?" Lucky said with a smirk.

Elizabeth laughed as she playfully slapped his shoulder. "O, let me guess. Some New York pretzels or are you craving Ely's?"

His eyes grew wide as she handed him the bag that she had hidden earlier. "How did you know?"

"Well, your brother told me to bring anything that might make you work faster. And he totally missed the joke I made about spinach and popeye." She giggled.

"Nik, I think it looks like we need to start looking in Greece, and I think we need to go tonight." Lucky said as he stared at his brother.

Nikolas simply nodded. "Thats exactly where I thought she would be, why didn't I just go there?"

But Lucky silenced him with a glance. "You are not a psychic. Elizabeth, can you get Grams to watch the boys for a few nights?"

Elizabeth grabbed her cell phone, "Let e check."

"WE are heading out as soon as possible. It's been two years. She can't give up on me finding her. I've got to get to her. I don't even know why you believed me when I told you..."

Elizabeth grinned, "Grams said yes, and in answer to your question... May I present your brother, Lucky Spencer... I don't think you need any more explanation than that."

Lucky held up a hand. "Helena kidnapped me to... It's really easy for me to believe anything of her."

"Then we're off?" Nikolas asked.

"We're off. "Lucky confirmed.

"All for one, and one for all" Elizabeth added.

And Nikolas only groaned.


	10. Chapter 10

Chpater 10

The only sound he could he was a faint humming and the soft snoring of his brother across from him. The strain of their search was wearing on him. His eye lids could no longer stay open, and the slid shut, removing him from the world he was living in.

He was standing on a cliff, the surf was crashing against the cliff below where he stood. The air was salty and damp as it swirled around him. There was a distinct chill within the damp that was invading his bones. He shivered and then felt a pinpoint of warmth at his back.  
He truned slowly, disbelieving his eyes. Emily stood before him.

Her hand reached out and stroked his cheek. "You are coming for me, I can feel you Nikolas. You're coming."

He stared into her chocolate eyes, losing himself in her soul.

"Emily I will always come for you. I will never give up on our love." He whispered as if anything more than a whisper would break the illusion and she would disappear.

"We'll be together soon Nikolas. WE'll alwyas be together Nikolas. Our love is too strong for anything to come between us." She stepped back away from him.

"No, Emily... please" she choaked out. "Please don't leave me..." Tears unbidden slipped from his eye.

"WE'll be together soon, Nikolas... Come to me. Come to me. You'll know where to find me. I am in your heart. Nikolas come to me...come to me." She took another step back and disappeared into the mist.

"Emily! EMily!" he cried.

He woke with a start as Elizabeth shook him, "Nikolas, we're going to find her, you are going to be fine."

Nikolas looked at her with certainty in his eyes, "She's waiting for me. She knows we're coming."

Elizabeth smiled and nodded knowing that a connection like theis never could be broken.

"Emily, I'm coming." he whispered as he stared out the window into the darkness.


End file.
